Generally unhappy...

Don't know what to say except that things aren't going the way they should. I'm used to having things work out, so this is a new experience for me.

I spent the weekend doing housework and generally being anti-social. I did go out to dinner tonight and that was a good diversion, but all in all ...

I lost a really good friend this weekend. I hope it's not a permanent situation; I feel awful but I guess there was no other alternative. Too much water under the bridge as someone I know likes to say. It's a lesson in getting too close to someone. People should let their friends remain friends and not try to change the dynamic. It's impossible when the shift becomes to powerful to manage.

Today I laid out on my deck and watched the Blue Angels do their show over Lake Washington. My cat hung out with me; she's nothing like my previous cat ... the roar of the jet engines didn't bother her at all. It was really sunny and warm; a nice relaxing couple of hours and we both napped. I'm the only one who got a sunburn, though. We've had few days this summer to enjoy the sun so we have to enjoy the ones we get.

Last weekend I went to Vancouver, BC for pride with some friends. I took the train and the rest of them drove up. The train was a really nice experience; I had a water view from my seat. Great views the entire trip. On Saturday I got up early and ran the 12K Stanley Park and Seawall loop. Somehow I injured my knee and it just seems to be getting worse. I have resisted going to the doctor thus far, but I think tomorrow will be the day.

The fireworks in Van were amazing. They have an international competition each year. The night we were there China put on the show. I've never seen such a complicated and extensive fireworks show. The city went all out to welcome the celebrants! Flags and banners in nearly every business. The streets were closed because there were too many people for the sidewalk to accommodate. In Seatte, we are proud of our Gay presence... but it cannot compete with Vancouver during Pride!

I look around at all the advantages that I have been blessed with and I should be happy for them. But right now it's hard. I wonder how I've gotten here, out of control and scattering in the wind...I hope things get back to normal soon!

Thinking about my favorite place ...

A few days ago, I returned from my latest trip to Montana and a few days in Glacier Park. There have been a lot of changes in my life in the past year and I was looking forward to being grounded at home again...no cell service...no plans to be on my laptop. Just hanging with my friends and family and reflecting on new and missed opportunities. I had a great time in Two Dot at the street dance, at a family picnic in the Crazy Mountains, the 4th of July rodeo in Harlowton and a hike to Daisy Peak with my sister and friends.

As much as I enjoy being at home, my real love in Montana is Glacier National Park. I have missed only one summer visit in the past 12 years. This year the special hike was into Medicine Grizzly Lake at the Cutbank area of the park. 13 miles round trip and it came with a verbal grizzly warning from the ranger at the trailhead. The hike was amazing and the lake was spectacular. We saw a moose but no grizzlies. I think my friends and I were the first people there that day; although we met a few on the trail. The solitude and beauty are inspiring and it makes me believe that God must have had a hand in it.

Unfortunately, Things don't often go as intended. This year's trip went by too fast and some unexpected experiences are causing more questions in my life. I'm back in Seattle at work, feeling distant from my friends and I don't really feel any better than I did before; I still need to do some more self-reflection. I guess this is just a year of turmoil; time to catalogue, learn from it and move on a better person. Hopefully.